I Just Want To Vent

Seriously, I am complaining here....I don't need sympathy at this point. I just wanted to write it down so maybe it will make me feel better. I miss my big baby!


Well, really more complaining than venting. I had to spend somewhere between 8-9 months without seeing Clint at all while we were dating, on top of the worriment of me having to deploy. This was bad because, well, we were dating. Just establishing a relationship and having to worry about if he was coming home to me alive. I know he was pretty safe where he was at, but still, those inmates where pretty bad. Anyways, then, I had to live 6.5 months without him except weekends because of going thru the academy. Now, somedays I didn't know which was harder; not seeing him at all or having to say goodbye every Sunday. Also, to make the academy harder, Clint and I were married and have Clayton. This makes it hard on the little guy to know that daddy is always going to be there. Right? So, I think after August 3rd everything is going to be great and we are finally go to be together for good. Nope! Trying to find a house in Crane is really hard. We have found a place to stay, but we are playing the waiting game here! Not being able to be with my husband full time is terrible. It is very hard on the baby, what with all the traveling and not being in one place for more than a week, with the exception of this Abilene trip. It is also very hard on Clint because he can't be with Clayton. He has hardly gotten to see his baby for the last what 9 months! With Clayton's age, this is valuable bonding time that both of them need. I understand that everyone goes through these hardships, but I feel like Clint and I were dealt the bottom of the deck with all of the seperations we have gone thru. I am really ready for this all to end. It is emotionally and physically draining. I miss Clint so much everyday it hurts! This is why I say I only want to do stuff if Clint can go. I want to spend as much time with my husband as possible. No, this is something that will probably never change. I just want to spend as much time with my husband as possible. Clint's job is one that requires for him looking for trouble. I love that he gets out there to help protect people, take drunks and druggies off the road, and slow down outrageous speeders. I just get scared during these times that I am not with him. Case in point, the Odessa shootings. I just want to spend time with Clint. I miss him terribly. Alright, I don't think I can say anything more that hasn't already been said. Told you I was just complaining. Thanks for listening.